Resident Evil 5

Let me begin this post by saying I loved "Resident Evil 4". It was one of the few games I actually finished on my Nintendo GameCube, the other being "Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess". Did I ever mention that I rarely ever finish games? Well, I don't. So it's a pretty big deal for me when and if I do because it means that I really really liked the game. Well, guess what? I never finished "Resident Evil 5", not even close. I barely got through the first level as a matter of fact, not because I couldn't beat the thing. No. I didn't finish it because I wanted to take the disk out and beat someone else over the head with it, namely the people who developed the damned thing.

What on earth happened?!? "Resident Evil 4" was so good, how can 5 be so bad while looking so amazing? Well, for one thing, they kept somethings I hated about "Resident Evil 4". Why can't I, the player, pull out my knife and stab the bad guys while running around when the bad guys are dancing circles around me with melee weapons in their hands? And the inventory system? To be perfectly honest, I don't recall exactly how the inventory system worked in "Resident Evil 4" but this is like the future! What is with only having nine slots in my inventory? Wait, it's starting to come back to me now... Didn't I have a suit case or something I can make bigger as I went along in RE 4? And to make things even worse, I can't pick up a new weapon if I don't have room in my inventory. Well, how about taking a clue from pretty much every shooting game out there right now and throwing away my current weapon so I can pick up the new one? Gaaahh!

But that, of course, is not all. Let me look down here at my notes here... Oh, yeah. Story and acting. Okay... This is a game we're talking about here but seriously, is Chris Redfield so stupid that he can watch a tentacly alien bug thing being stuffed down a victim's mouth then walk up to the victim and ask him if he's okay? NO, HE'S NOT FRIGGIN' OKAY! HE JUST HAD A TENTACLY THING STUFFED DOWN HIS THROAT! Geesus, man!

And the AI partner... Talk about an item hoarding medicine wasting stupid b... Well, lets just say that when I played, she constantly got in my way slowing me down, beat me to a bunch of ammo, then proceeded to waste all the ammo at what ever came her way. And you'd think, at the rate she was going through ammo she's actually hit something and be okay but no. She always ended up getting her ass beat and asked me for help constantly. Not that I needed to help her really since I could just leave her behind and she would "magically" be okay. So, I have to baby sit this dumb ass while I can barely move myself. Yup, I said it. The controls in this game blows so much chunks it's not funny. The player character is bulky and unresponsive. It almost feels like they've dumbed down the enemy AI because the player couldn't possibly control their character in time to effectively deal with any enemies which might attack in any realistic amount of time. They also seems to do this weird blur effect just as the character begins to finally respond to one's input, almost like trying to mask the fact that the frame rate is not high enough or something. And looking at this enough makes one sick. It certainly gave my stomach some trouble and according to some people I talked to I wasn't the only one.

But all that aside, the single most unforgivable thing for me was the very first level, or the end there of. Basically, you're trapped in this confined space with no possible chance of beating all the enemies because they keep re-spawning. The reason for this is because the first level is actually a kind of triggered timed event meaning unless you fight your way out to a certain spot and hang around there for a while you will not beat this level and there is no clear indication that this is the case. This is the first level for god sakes. You are literally mobbed by dozens of enemies, one of whom basically is a tank who can't be killed, who will not stop until you trip the timer and the timer runs out. What's even crazier is that an enemy could be seconds away from killing you but if the timer runs out and it triggers the "exit event", suddenly all enemies in the level will disappear and you'll be allowed to move ahead. I mean, the game is so inconsistent when it comes to communicating to the player what it expects the player to do, I'm not sure if the game designers are being condescending towards players or over estimating them. Maybe they're doing both but what ever they might've been up to, the game feels jarring and ultimately not fun. And a videogame that's not fun is not worth playing in my book.

So, you have been fore warned. I actually gave this game two tries to get through to me and it failed miserably both times. A big thumbs down from me. Try at your own risk. And if you do, by all means feel free to share your pain with the rest of us by leaving a comment here telling us what it was like for you. :)